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Trying to juggle the brilliant little kid and a serious young man.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I walked towards the cell where he was ‘kept’ as his voice echoed through the dark corridor. There was no one else on the entire floor.

‘Doctor, you have to help me please.’ His face contorted with pain. His features distorted. Eyes, nose, cheekbones, none of them where they are supposed to be. But tears were constantly pouring out of his offset eyes. He was bleeding where the hairline is supposed to begin. The walls around his cell were stained with dark green grime. The light cast a dim yellow glow on his skin.

‘I have decided to stop living. Please understand me, doctor. I remember the last two. I can still hear her screams in my head. I don’t even recollect the face of the previous one. You knew me before. You must understand the circumstances in which I was created. There is no going back doctor.’ the monster pleaded. Tears welled up his eyes and he stared down at the floor. His hands gripping the bars of the cage. I noticed the marks the chains had left on his arms. Unhealthy maroon.

I felt something deeper than pity for him. I understood him. I stood facing him as he wept his heart out. I had images of a healthy version of him in my head but bleak. ‘Be patient, they haven’t verified anything.’ I said without believing in what I was saying.

He then faced me and smiled without halting the tears.

‘I knew I have to die more than somebody else. I fucked up. Could you please help me out?’ the monster said with conviction.

I shifted uncomfortably and stared at it for a while and then reluctantly slipped my hands into my pockets and felt the cold metal of the keys.

‘Doc’ he said and I looked up. ‘Truth is refreshing isn’t it?’

I nodded my head and proceeded to open the cage.

I was staring at him as he opened the cage door reflecting on what I had just said. The doctor then went on to usher me out of the cage and unlocked the irons around my arms.

‘Are you sure you want to do that, doc?’ I said unsurely.

‘YOU know that you are monster, which makes you a safe bet. I guess.’ he said.’ Now follow me.’

And I followed the doctor, walking behind him, towering above him but following him like a child.

The walls on the corridors threw contorted shadows although there were no windows nearby. Distance was eating up my cell and I stared back but once till it was gone. As time went by still walking, I forgot about the walls. I closed my eyes and saw her as I sawed her head in frenzy. The first cut about two inches above her right ear. My blade going back and forth, back and forth; moving through blood, tissue and bones. She was facing me but I couldn’t really hear her scream although her mouth suggested that. That vision blurred as I came back from my trance-like state and saw the doctor walking in front of me.

‘Do you believe in rebirth, doc?’ I asked him.

‘No’ he replied without stopping or turning back.

I’d probably have to re-live all the lives that I had taken. I disagreed with him. I was wronged beyond justice. I choked on the bile that came up to my throat thinking of the past as hurt raised its filthy head. This emotive state bodily affected my bearing. Where do I go from here? I asked myself. Could scum attain salvation? Could we become particles of light just like others? And I was interrupted on my muse when the doctor slowed down.

He led me through the red curtains and a vast aerodrome hangar-like space showed up before us.

‘Stay right behind me’ said the doc. ‘we are nearly there.’ We walked straight ahead, the ceiling miles away. This place could fit like a hundred A380’s, I thought to myself looking at space disappearing into darkness. I could see the night sky through the windows at the distance.

I couldn’t see if the doctor had a light nor could I see any switches nearby, but there was light wherever we were heading. And to my left, suddenly a gargantuan shape was moving on the floor. I was too dead to any amazement but the doctor stopped and turned and faced it. It opened its mouth.

‘It’s a Whale’ we both said together. ‘A baby’ said the doctor.

‘But what’s it doing on the floor? Aren’t they supposed to die on land?’ I said as I stared at the thing beating its tail feebly with a puddle of water around it. It started to make some sounds when the doctor threw some sort of a murky starfish at it. The whale caught whatever the doctor fed it and was quiet.

‘C’mon’ the doctor said as he started walking again answering me with silence. As we walked ahead, we passed by two massive troughs filled with water. Two whale-tanks, I concluded. Briefly we heard the sound of churning water as we passed by those troughs otherwise silence; not even the sound of our own footsteps or breathing. Then it dawned on me.

‘You are going to feed me to one of these whales aren’t you?’ I blurted out.

‘Yeah’ the doctor said without a hint of any emotion. ‘You wanted to end it didn’t you?’

I felt a certain warmth dawn on me. It was right in front of me. I didn’t get it all this while. My head started hurting. ‘Okay, lets go’ I said.

Then we reached a flight of stairs leading to what looked like a platform. I had images in my head of the whales tongue. Someone had told me they are like sand paper, seemed like a lifetime had passed before I could process anything.

We were greeted by two more tanks with whales in them on either side as we had ascended onto the platform and started walking left. As we walked on the platform still further, two more whales showed up on the right, lying around a puddle of water just like the first one but much larger and more menacing. We stopped in front of them.

‘Who are these? Mom and Pop whales?’ I called out to the doctor as he laughed. He nodded his head and finally faced me.

‘The Second one’ he said and the smile shrunk off his face.

‘I hope it digests me really quick, I don’t want to stick around too long on the inside, you see’.

For some reason I couldn’t stop smiling even though every inch of my me understood that this is how it’s going to end. There was no protest from inside, I was eerily at peace.

‘I do have some sleeping pills you could take before you get swallowed. But I would have to fetch those on the other side of the curtain.’ the doctor said.

‘I can’t wait for long doc, can you make it quick?’

‘Yeah, it’ll be better once you are asleep’.

So we both descended the stairs hurriedly and ran back towards the curtain. A sense of elation filled me as I ran beside the doc. Finally we reached the Curtain.

I looked at the monster panting for breath. He had finally dried his tears. There was some serenity in his ugliness this time.

‘Don’t delay doc, I can’t wait, since we are this close. ‘The monster exclaimed at me as I prepared to go through the curtains.

I would do my best to comply this last wish. I nodded and looked back but once at the monster as he disappeared behind the curtain waiting for me.

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